Shower

I have always been under the impression that taking a shower is private event. Apparently in my household the concept doesn't exist.

Here is what a typical shower is like for me. I no sooner turn on the water and jump in and the dog comes into the bathroom and drops her tennis ball outside the shower door, sits and waits for me to throw the ball. My husband arrives shortly afterwards in the bathroom trying to read me some joke he just received on his IPhone. "Hello I can't hear a damn thing your saying, there's water pouring out of the shower head into my ears!" He leaves frustrated because I didn't appreciate his attempt at humor.

Then the 3 year old comes running by, dashing into the potty. A minute later she's screaming "Mommy I just poop-pooed, wipe me." I yell for my husband, but his selective hearing doesn't pick up my cry for help. So I jump out of the shower with shampoo running into my eyes, take care of my daughter and jump back into the shower with my eyes stinging from the shampoo.

I no sooner get the shampoo out of my eyes and the oldest arrives with several of her clothes on hangers. "Mommy which outfit do you think I should wear today?" I wipe the steam from the shower door and point to one of the outfits. "Can you help me get dressed?"
"Where is your father?"
"Upstairs, on the computer playing Mafia Wars."
"Go have him get you dressed."
This of course starts an argument on how she can't walk ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS. I tell her to go watch TV until Mommy gets out of the shower. By the way the dog is still there waiting for me to throw her ball. The little one comes running back in crying that her sister just changed the channel she was watching. I try to yell at Emma from the shower and realize she can either not hear me or better yet that I am being ignored. I jump out of the shower and get the TV on in the bedroom for Sara. She chooses this moment to become selective about her TV viewing.

Back in the shower I hear the phone start to ring. It rings again. "Can someone get that I'm trying to take a shower!" A moment later my husband appears, "Honey, it for you." I think to myself, does the man not have an ounce of common sense. Can he not see I'm in the shower. "Can you tell who ever it is that I will call them back?"

Hot water has disappeared a good two minutes ago. I blame my husband who showered before me and had a peaceful half hour long steaming HOT shower. I give up on the whole concept of getting clean and forget about shaving my legs today, open the shower door and trip over the dog who has fallen asleep waiting for me to throw her ball.

My husband reappears and asks "Aren't you dressed yet?"